Infinite Stratos! The story so far, Part 1 (Episodes 1-4)

Alright, so I made this blog to share my episode by episode thoughts on the horrible shows I watch. However, we are already mid-season, and I don't want to wait until spring to unleash all this pent up ranting. So, we'll start off by getting up to date with Infinite Stratos!

 

Infinite Stratos is by far not the worst thing I've ever watched. But that does not mean it is not a really bad show. So, lets start our paddle boat race down crap-river with-

The Plot: Infinite Stratos, or IS, are mechanical, flying, battle suits piloted by one man. Or rather, woman. For some reason, only women can pilot the IS. Why? Really, why can only women pilot it? Moving right along! So, despite being the ultimate weapon, capable of materializing around their pilot with no need for a hanger, or maintenance, having energy shields, a seemingly endless supply of weapons, and can operate in all environments including space, they are banned from being used in war. War clearly still exists in this world, but everyone agreed to not use them?

Only 467 IS cores exist in this world. So, you would think they are well guarded, like nukes in some secret mountain, right? No.

Welcome to IS Academy! Where we send highschool girls to train for an international sporting events using the most dangerous weapon on earth! ... Look, I know it's a cartoon, but this is just retarded. That's like a private elementary school that promises to turn your kid into a cold-blooded killing machine with their AK-47 arts and crafts classes.
Also, why, if this is an international sport, is there only one school for it, and that school is in Japan? If they all go to the same school, how is it a matter of international pride? The people who compete in the Olympics don't all go to Harvard. That's just stupid!
Most people get a basic IS, but important characters- err, THE BEST PILOTS get a personal IS.

Our Hero:

Ichika Orimura is a new student at IS academy. Also, I guess the only man who can pilot IS. Wait, shouldn't this be pretty big news? Holy crap, world, turns out an entire half of your population can also use these flying doomsday robots! That's like finding out some men can give birth. But instead, the only people who make a big deal out of this are the student, who reply in typical anime girl mob fashion. "Oh, wow! We have a boy in school! Teehee!"
They don't get into until a few episode later, but how did he even get tested to see if he could pilot this? I guess he just walked into the IS hanger on a school field trip, touched the IS machine, and it started to power up. Which, begs the question, why are you letting students walk around in the mecha-suit hanger unsupervised? This universe is run by idiots. God has to exist in this show, because there is no other way they could have avoided killing themselves without a god.
His personal IS, which he gets because they need test data from a man, is Byakushiki. Like his older sisters IS, the only weapon it comes with is a sword. So, he is bringing a sword to a laser fight.

The Ladies: As was probably clear by the 1-guy, 500-ladies setup, this is a harem show. And what harem would be complete without an assorted box of eye-candy? The thing that somewhat sets IS apart from other harem shows is that each suitor so far has been an ethnic stereotype. So, here are your candidates for Ms. Vaguely-Offensive Universe! Queue music.

Ms. Japan, Houki Shinonono:

She was a childhood friend of Ichika, but they had not seen each other for six years. How tragic. She has become an angry Tsundere, hitting him to hide her love and- God, I can't finish this sentence. Am I the only person sick of tsundere character type? Houki's hobbies include Kendo, being a bitch, and awkward elementary-school romance tactics (e.g. "If I beat you in the inter-class tournament, you have to date me!"). Her sister invented the IS system, and she is resentful of her for being so well known.

Chifuyu Orimura: 

Ichika's older sister is one of the leading instructors at IS academy. Her whereabouts were unknown to Ichika until he was forced to join IS academy. He find her here and just says "Oh, she is a teacher. That explains where she has been all these years." ... No, that really doesn't. What, she couldn't even write a letter saying, "Hey, family, I'm not dead, just teaching down town"? Really? Maybe she just doesn't like her family much.
Chifuyu is a former gold medal winner in the international IS tournament. In a sport where most people use laser cannons and machine guns, she decided to use a katana. She is basically the the most bad ass badass in the show. In a later episode, she is shown being able to fight IS machines without being in one herself, using only a chunk of metal as a sword. She makes bringing a knife to a laser fight look cool. She is the character you wish the show was about. Sadly, it is not.

Ms. England, Cecilia Alcott:

She is the student sent by the English government to prove how great English are at everything. She is the first Representative Candidate we see in the show, and really begs the question "How do they choose who to send?" She is also a freshman, in Ichika's class, so how much of a chance do they really have to do the testing? We know they have try outs for IS academy, and that it involves a test run of the IS machine. Do they really just strap any middle-school aged girl into a jet plane and say "Have at it, lassy? Go shoot at the instructor?" I personally would really love to know more about this process.
Anyway, Cecilia is pitted against Ichika in the running for class representative. How are such debates settled in IS academy? Why, a mech battle, of course!

(Above: The first smart thing said in this show)

Cecilia's IS is Blue Tears, a sniper type IS. For some reason, Ichika has very little trouble fighting this expert gunman with a sword. During the battle, Ichika discovers how to turn his sword into an energy blade. Which, seems like something that might be in the user manual, but reading is for squares! The problem is, he does not know that using the energy sword decreases his shield power when active (Also, probably in the manual), and he looses the fight just before he could deal the final blow. Cecilia, having seen Ichika fight with retarded bravery and still loose, falls madly in love with him. I guess that makes sense. You know, as much sense as anything else in this show.

Ms. China, Lingyin Huang, or Fong Lingyin, or Fan Ririn, or uhmm...

Rin. Everyone calls her Rin. Well, actually, spotty fansubbing, the show writing names in incorrect English text, and the wikis being unclear means everyone calls her something different. But in the show, it's mostly Rin.

Rin is Chinese, and due to racism in Japan, that means she is like every other Chinese character in anime. She is loud, dumb, eats more than is humanly possible, and steals the Japanese men away from the Japanese girls. She was also Ichika's childhood friend, but as Houki constantly points out, she was "Ichika's second childhood friend". Some years ago, Ichika promised Rin something along the lines of "eating her sweet and sour pork every day." ... Alright, there are many ways that can be taken. Read it in a George Takei voice, and it takes on another, sexy meaning. Oh my. To Ichika, this was literal, and to Rin, she mean that Ichika would marry her. Ichika forgot what his promise was, and Rin challenges him to a duel. If Rin wins, Ichika most fulfill his promise. If Ichika wins, he demands she tells him what the promise was. Ichika is not a very good gambler.

 

Her personal IS is Shenlong, given to her by the Chinese government when she became their Representative Candidate. It is a close combat IS, but also has a giant laser cannon with no blind spot. Those clever Chinese bastards. The fight is going badly for Ichika, because what to you do when your childhood friend has a grudge and a laser cannon?

Suddenly, some weird IS busts into their fight and starts wrecking IS Academy! Rin and Ichika have to set their fight aside and eliminate this new threat. It seems to be kicking their asses, since Ichika doesn't want to kill whoever is inside. Good news! Chifuyu tells Ichika that it's an unmanned robot. I like to assume she is lying to him to make him shut up and stab it. Once Ichika is convinced it's just a robot, he seems to have no problems killing it.

This show can't decide if Ichika is some kind of IS prodigy, or a bumbling idiot. It goes from training sessions where he has no idea how to start the damn thing, to him effortlessly defeating his instructor. I kind of would like consistency.

Alright, well, I've been writing for a while now, and I think I'm reaching the end of the post-limit. I'll try and get the other half of this recap up for episode 10 comes out this week.